Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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