So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
