Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You can't just leave with hair like that
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
