Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
