a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
