Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
