blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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