You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
