I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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