I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
