we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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