I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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