i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize