What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
