We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
