I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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