'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
