dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize