Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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