When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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