you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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