remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
