I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
