i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
