I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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