My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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