Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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