He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
