I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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