found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
