they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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