He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
