So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
