I'll bet she douches with gravy.
nutella sex= disaster
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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