Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
