my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
