I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
