I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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