At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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