So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
