it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
