last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
