it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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