then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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