just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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