after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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