Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Shame - the story of my life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
