You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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