I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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