2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
