ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
