He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
