so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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