dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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