What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
