id be glad to
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
