I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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