1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
