You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
