can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
