Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
