their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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