areolas are like halos for boobs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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