Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize