no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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