Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
