Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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