what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize