At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
