I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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