Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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