This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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