I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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