when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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