Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
